To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms. I told you to go to Cox’s and buy a searsucker suit, but it looks like you went to Sears instead. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? H.L. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. “If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.” – Stan Laurel If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Bob ThavesĪll right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. “I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.” – Henny Youngman Quotes to Make You Laugh
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